A goodbye letter is not what most people think it is. It is not a legal document. It is not a list of instructions. It is not the place to finally deliver the sermon you have been holding back for years. It is much simpler than any of that.
A goodbye letter is the thing you would say if you had five minutes and no fear.
What it is not
A will distributes your property. A goodbye letter distributes your heart. These are different tasks and they require different documents.
A goodbye letter is also not a confession. If you need to confess something, do it now, in person, while there is still time for the other person to respond. A letter delivered after you are gone gives the recipient no chance to ask questions, to forgive face to face, or to tell you it is all right. That is not fair to them.
And it is not a sermon. The person reading your letter is not your congregation. They are someone you love, probably in the worst moment of their life. They need to hear you, not a theology lesson.
What it is
A goodbye letter does three things:
- It says what you feel. Plainly. Without circling. "I love you" is a complete sentence.
- It names what mattered. The specific thing about this person that you carry with you. Not a generic compliment — the real thing, the thing only you would know to say. This specificity is what makes a good farewell letter.
- It blesses. Not in the ecclesiastical sense, though it can. In the human sense: it tells the person what you hope for them. What you believe they are capable of. What you want their life to look like.
Keep it short
The best goodbye letters are almost always shorter than people expect. You do not need to say everything. You need to say the right thing.
If you find yourself writing more than a page, stop and ask: what is the one sentence in here that this person will read over and over? Build the letter around that sentence. Let the rest go.
Write it badly first
The reason most people never write a goodbye letter is not that they cannot find the words. It is that they are waiting to find the perfect words. Those do not exist.
Write it badly. Write it in fragments. Write "I do not know how to say this" and then say it. The person who reads your letter will not be grading your prose. They will be holding the last thing you ever said to them, and they will treasure it regardless. If the awkwardness still stops you, know that most people cry when they finish writing — not from sadness, but from relief.
The only rule
Say the thing you have been meaning to say. That is the whole letter. Everything else is decoration.
Write your goodbye letter now — while the words are still yours to choose.